Thoughts
by fliff
Summary: When caught deep in less then pleasant thought, a little kindness can wash away all those nasty reflection and worries and make life a bit better. PruCan Human AU!
1. Chapter 1

**Author's notes:**

Where to begin…?

Ah! A disclaimer!

**Hetalia doesn't belong to me; it belongs to the awesome Hidekazu Himaruya**.

Now, because I'm a morbidly depressing person I would like to warn you that this story's **rating** and **name** are prone to change, for now they are as they are.

Before you read this know that this is not Betaed - is that even how you write that? Any ways, if you find any errors (no doubt you will) I would appreciate it if you would **politely** inform me of them so I can change them.

**Edits!** Thank you to **animeluver4tori** and **Prussiakitty** that helped me to fix some errors.

I've gone and done like I do with most of my writing and added and changed some details after this was first published.

**Thoughts**

**Chapter one**

**The white haired cashier**

It had started out as a leisurely walk just to get out of the house. The cold late November air nipped at Matthew's skin and the breeze tousled his wavy blonde hair. The silence of the nearly deserted shopping center and nearby neighborhood should have been calming to him, but like every walk Matthew took alone he was left with the company of his thoughts and nothing to distract himself. When he'd left the house he'd felt good, but with each step he felt worse and worse. Thoughts and memories of all the things Matthew regretted plagued his mind and quickly brought his mood down to the dark pits of despair.

He stopped walking to readjust his scarf to better protect himself from the breeze and caught his own reflection in the window of the hair salon he had been passing. It was after hours and the lights were off inside, making the glass the perfect mirror for everything out side. Matthew glared at his reflection.

When he was happy Matthew felt good about the way he looked. Maybe a bit skinny compared to his older twin Alfred, but he liked his features especially his wavy blonde hair and his eyes which were a deep violet hue. Then when he was unhappy he hated everything about himself. He thought his hair was a mess and too long for a boy. He felt like how skinny he was made him look far too girly. He even hated his beloved eyes, believing that since they were the result of a genetic mutation that made him some kind of freak.

The blonde had to force himself to walk away, but he kept watching his reflection in the windows of the closed stores. He turned on to the next block and walked quickly past the Italian pizza place on that corner. He knew if he looked in the window of the still lit store he would only feel sadder. The Italian family that ran it always looked like they were having so much fun working there and the people that came to the restaurant were just as jovial.

He slowed his pace until he came to a stop and glanced back up at the shop windows as he came to the small store next door. It was a peculiar little shop, but it was one of Matthew's favorite stores to wander around in. The front of the store had and old 1920 décor to it, as did many of the stores around it. The old look to the building gave it a warm and welcoming feeling. In the shop they always had odd little things that you couldn't find anywhere else and things that were popular when he was a kid that other stores no longer sold. It always made him happy to peruse the shelves to see if he could find something new. He loved their inexpensive odds and ends that he put to use in his art hobby.

The nicest and most welcoming thing about the store was the cashier that always seemed to work on the evenings Matthew would come by. His name tag read _Gil_ and to the young blonde, he had the most stunning appearance. He felt he couldn't find words to describe the man's white hair and red eyes without sounding cliché.

Mattie stared in to the window debating whether or not to go inside. He was so deep in thought that he didn't notice the cashier waving at him at first. Then the door to the store swung open and jarred the blonde from his thoughts.

"You gonna stand out in the cold and stare or come in?" The white haired cashier asked peering around the door at him. Matthew took a few steps back; the nervous feeling that lingered from his earlier bout of self-hate telling him to run rather than too interact. "Um… did I scare you?" Gil asked stepping around the door and letting it go slowly shut with his right hand. The nervous blonde eyed him up and down, seeing that the other man was genuinely worried he relaxed a little. The white haired man grinned at him and gestured to the door, "Com'n it's freezing out here." Mattie nodded feeling his lips curve upward in to a smile to spite his nervousness and followed the white hared cashier in to the store.

The cashier had been right it was freezing outside and the warmth of the small store swept over Matthew and thawed his nerves as well as his body. The calm feeling washed away all his anxieties letting him become content.

"Now you look better." Gil said, startling Matthew again. The blonde stared at the other man wrinkling his brow and tilting his head slightly to one side.

"What do you mean?" Mattie asked purple eye's following Gil as he returned to his place behind the check out.

"How do I put this?" He said more to himself than to the blonde as he running his hand through his platinum hair and diverting his ruby eyes away from the others gaze. "You had this look when you walked up… I don't know how to describe it but, I've seen that look in my own reflection and I know what kind of thoughts go with it." He finally looked back at Matthew when he was finished to evaluate the other man's response.

Mattie took a few steps toward him looking at his feet, than looked up with a gentle smile, "Thank you," he said though this eyes shined with tears he was trying so hard to hold back. For once in his life someone had noticed and actually acted on it.

"No problem! So what's your name any way? I see you in here all the time." The albino said, smiling at him.

Mattie took a moment to revile in the feeling of being noticed before responding. "My name is Matthew Williams."

"I'm Gilbert Beilschmidt." He told him holding up his name tag, "You can just call me Gil."

"I always wondered if Gil was short for something." Mattie said out loud before thinking. Gil laughed.

"Well at least you have a proper name now." The he commented.

"Uh, what did you call me before?" Matthew asked not sure he really wanted to know the answer.

"Vögelchen." Gilbert replied.

"What?" The blonde asked tilting his head again. "Is that German?"

"Ja, es ist Deutsch." Gilbert responded, clearing up any suspicion Mattie had about the albino's accent. "It means _Birdie._" He Clarified. The blonde couldn't suppress the need giggled about the silly name.

"Why Birdie?" He asked once he'd finally stopped giggling.

"Um…" Gil paused to compose his response. "You always hum or whistle when you're alone… And you kinda remind me of my pet bird. "

"It's cute." Mattie told him, "The nick name I mean and I would have never guessed you had a pet bird, I always took you for the dog type."

"Ah, well, I've got a weakness for cute things." The white haired man replied shrugging his shoulders.

"Gilbert!" A shrill voice called from the back of the store followed quickly by footsteps.

"Fick." Gilbert said under his breath while running his hand through his platinum hair once more and looking in the direction of his manager lyring at him from the back of the small shop. "Hay, Birdie we should hang out some time." He told Mattie only glancing at him as he ran a little paper out of the receipt printer at the checkout. He glased up repetitively, wary of this maniger who was still watching him. He grabbed a pen and hurriedly scrawl out his phone number. "Here," He told him handing him the paper, "text me or call, kay?"

"Gilbert Beilschmidt, I swear if you are trying to pick up csajok well on the clock, I will fire you!" His manager almost shouted, suddenly appearing at the front of the store looking very irritated.

"Chill Liz." Gil said flatly. "Matthew isn't a chick." Suddenly all the fury fell from the young and rather pretty woman's face and was quickly replaced by a smile that made Mattie feel rather uncomfortable.

Liz took a few quick steps toward the blonde. Mattie's instincts told him to back away and he complied until he hit the wooden door behind him. Liz didn't seem deterred by this; she simply stopped a few steps away and looked the man up and down. Then she turned her gaze to Gilbert who had his arms crossed in front of him and was scowling at her. She looked between the two men a few more times before she spoke again.

"I could ship this!" She announced loudly and grinning impossibly wider. Gilbert rolled his eyes at her.

"Birdie, you might want to escape now before Liza goes all freaky fan girl on you." Gil warned him glaring at the brunet woman.

Matthew had no quorums with that idea and pushed the door behind him open and fleeing. He darted off in the direction of home, clutching the little white piece of paper tightly in this hand.

**Author's notes:**

Thinks for reading this!

… I totally have no confidants today thus I feel like this is terrible so **please tell me what you think. **

**Reviews motivate me to write more than favorites.**

1,523


	2. Old Photos on His Laptop

**Author's notes:**

**I am very sorry for not updating this in a month. I will not make excuses, but I will try to update more frequently, but don't hold me to it. I'm not very punctual.**

Before you read this you should know that this is not Betaed. If you find any errors (no doubt you will) I would appreciate it if you would **politely** inform me of them so I can change them.

**Hetalia doesn't belong to me; it belongs to Hidekazu Himaruya**.

Chapter two

Old Photos on His Laptop

The tension in the room was almost unbearable just as it was every time Gilbert had to ask his father for anything. The tall older German stood over his eldest son leering down at him. The younger man had to resist the urge to chew on his lower lip to ease his nervousness. Instead he clasped his hands together behind his back, digging his nails in to the palm of his hand.

"I just need a bit to pay the bills." He tried for the second time. His father narrowed his eyes more at him.

Gil and his roommate; who happen to also be his coworker Liz had come up short money enough to pay all their bills for the month. They had both tried there hardest to avoid the dreadful task of asking ether of their parents for the money, but in the end here he was standing before the one person in the world that terrified him.

"I have told you before that I will not help you with things you should be responsible enough to take care of on your own." His father began, but Gilbert cut him off before he could go any further with his lecture.

"So you won't lend me any money?" He asked in as innocent a tone as he could muster. The older German's face grew red with fury at his son's insolent behavior.

"Nein!"**(1)** He nearly shouted Followed quickly by a command for Gil to get out of his sight.

Gil jumped a little at the sudden raise in volume, but complied with his father's command without another word. At the door he came face to face with his younger brother Ludwig. The taller blond looked him up and down and saw the obvious anxiety written all over Gilbert's face then sighed. He reached in to his pocket and pulled out his wallet, unfolding it and removing a bill and handing it to his brother without a word. Gil looked between the bill now in his hand and his little brother. He nodded at him yet said nothing as he made his way out the door past him. He knew he would pay his brother back when he was able and Ludwig trusted him to do so.

Gilbert bounded down the stone front steps of the modern house, a new energy in his pace. He only glanced back at the cold colored and sharp angled house long enough to remember that it was not the place he had to return to at the end of the day and how good that felt.

His pace quickened as he got closer to his apartment. He was excited to show Liz that he gotten the money they needed. As soon as he came around the corner of a building he was abruptly stopped by a pair of hands grabbing ahold of him to keep him from further walking in to the one they belonged to.

He stared down at the man in front of him, surprised to see he was a familiar face. Shocked green eyes watched him back. A painful guilt rose in his chest. He found it hard to even muster the breath to say "excuse me"let alone to greet the man in front of him even though he'd not seen him in a year and a half.

It was the other man that acted instead, he stepped back letting go of Gil's arms and letting his gaze settle to the ground. He said _excuse me_ and darted past Gilbert and around the corner before the German had time to react.

Gilbert rushed around the corner after him, realizing that he didn't what to let the other man go again without saying something.

"Arthur, wait!" Gil called to him, but the other man was gone around the next corner. He stood there with his hand against the stone wall of the building staring down the sidewalk. What joy he'd felt before had all drained away with that one encounter. Seeing Arthur again had stirred up bad memories.

He chose not to follow after Arthur and instead started for home again. He sauntered up the steps to the door of the apartment he and Liz shared above they shop the worked at. He found the door was unlocked so he know Liz was already home. He made his way back the hallway to Liza's room to tell her he got the money for the bill, but he stopped outside her door.

He heard laughter from in the room. It was a man's laugh, but too soft to be Liz's boyfriend Roderich's laugh. He slowly pushed the door open and as soon as Liz saw him she slammed the laptop she'd had on her lap shut. Gil was surprised to find that the visitor was Matthew, the young man that frequented the shop so much.

The blond looked confused by Liza's sudden action and looked between Gil and her. The brunet woman smirked at Mattie well glancing at Gil as to suggest something the German was not aware of. Mattie slowly grinned and could no longer look at the albino without having to force himself not to laugh.

"Was?"**(2)** Gil asked "What is so funny?"

Liz started to laugh too and attempted to hide the laptop before Gil could take it and see what the two had been looking at. Her attempt failed and Gil came closer holding out his hand for the laptop.

"It's mine." He stated, "And you're not supposed to have it."

Liz grinned sheepishly at him, but didn't relinquish the computer.

"I was just showing Mattie some pics." She informed him looking at him innocently.

"Of what? Me?" Gil demanded.

"Igen."**(3)** Liz replied_ yes_ in her native Hungarian. The albino lunged for the laptop, but she pulled it away, causing him to fall on to the bed. Then she hopped on top of his back so he couldn't get up.

"Get off!" Gil shouted, squirming beneath her.

"Nem."**(4)** She said playfully. Gil stopped moving and stayed quite for a moment.

"I got the money." He told her, she perked up at that. "I got enough for food too, but I won't give it to you if you don't get off and give me my computer."

Liz hopped off without any complaint and handed him the electronic ones he was sitting upright.

Mattie had been giggling at the two, but now he looked a little scared as Gil opened the laptop and woke it up. When the screen came up the albino's normally pale face became blood red.

"You showed him these!" he asked gaping at his roommate.

"Oh, come on Gily it's not like your naked or something." She told him sarcastically.

"Nein! It's worse!" Gil nearly shouted.

"I think you looked good in a dress." Mattie offered quietly.

Gil dropped his head in defeat.

"Best senior prom ever though, right Gil? And it's okay; I still have pictures of Roddy in a dress too." Liz told him. Gil burst out laughing at the memory.

"Truce?" the girl asked holding out her hand. Gil had to stop laughing before he could even speak again. He took her hand.

"Only, if I get to show birdie embarrassing photos of you." He told her then scooted over to sit next to Mattie.

"No!" She shouted though she knew it was only fair. Liz eventually gave up and took a seat on the other side of Matthew.

They flipped through all kinds of photos and told stories about their crazy high school years. After a fit of laughter from a story Matthew told, Gil realized that he had no idea why the blonde was in there apartment to begin with.

"Hey, Birdie why are you here anyway?" Gil asked. Mattie looked a little confused. "In my apartment I mean."

"Oh, Elizaveta invited me up." The blond answered. Gil looked at Liz, she grinned at him.

"I was bored." Liz said shrugging her shoulders.

"Doesn't that make you feel loved Mattie?" Gil asked the other man sarcastically. Mattie blushed and looked away.

"I guess… and having you call me by my real name does too." He muttered.

"Mattie." Gil said, momentarily appraising the way the boy's name sounded. "I suppose it catches on after a bit." Mattie blushed deeper and smiled.

Elizaveta made some sort of squealing noise at the scene she was watching. Gil responded to this by pushing her off the bed and on to the floor. She hit the ground with a thump.

"Ow! What was that for Gil?" she wined. Gil glared at her. "Honestly you can't keep clinging to Artie forever." She told him. Mattie looked between the two again Gilbert was glaring daggers at Liz who only watched him with a straight face. She leaned forward. "You know it's true." His expression saddened and he lowered his head.

"I saw him today." His voice was just over a whisper. Liz frowned.

"Oh? I didn't think he'd come back here at all." She told him.

"Me neither." The German said.

"Who are we talking about?" Matte inquired, not sure what was going on. There was a long silence in the room and then Liz spoke up.

"Artie is Gil's dick of an ex that dumped him like yesterday's trash, yet Gil's still not over him." Liz explained.

Mattie's expression became more worried and he looked to Gil. The German was watching him through his fringe.

"Anyway, who cares about Artie? Mattie is way cuter and sweeter and so much better for you Gily." Liz stated.

Both the boys blushed and looked away from each other.

"See?" the brunet teased.

Mattie's phone rang, interrupting the awkward silence that had followed. He looked down at the screen to open the text and frowned.

"Looks like I have to go." He told the other two.

"I'll walk you to the door," Gil told him. It was the first he'd spoken for a bit. Mattie nodded and let the German lead him out. He stepped outside on to the sidewalk with him. "Sorry about all that stuff about Artie, Mattie." Gil said to him. The blond shrugged.

"It's fine… Maybe I can help you get over him?" Mattie offered. Gil laughed and he suddenly realized what he had said and became red in the face. "Um… what I meant was… Um…" the blonde stuttered. Gil shook his head.

"Nah, I get it, but I might take you up on that offer." He told the blonde with a grin. Mattie stared at him in shock for a moment.

"Nice." He cheered once he'd comprehended what the other man had said and without any further thought he hugged him. The German hugged him back enjoying the warmth of the embrace. They let go after a minute both feeling really embarrassed. "Um, well I better get going." Mattie told him.

"Ja."**(5)** Gil responded. Mattie turned a way with a little wave and trotted off towards home leaving a slightly confused Gilbert to figure out if he liked that renewed fuzzy, warm feeling in his chest.

**Author's notes:**

On that previous morbidly depressing note this just got fluffy. Don't ask me why. I finished this as 4 am.

Thank you for reading this! I would really love it if you told me what you think so far? I'm worried that it's not that good.

**Translations:**

(1) Nein – no

(2) Was – what

(3) Igen – yes

(4) Nem – no

(5) Ja – yes


End file.
